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About Me

I'm still trying to figure myself out. Luckily my Wonderful Maker has a user's manual for my life. Or else I would be dreadfully and hopelessly lost.

Psalm 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.


Previous Posts

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus- Reflections on Leaving ...
Rain
Do Not Try This At Home
There Is A Party
Every Girl Can Be a Princess
Anna's Birthday is Tomorrow! :D
Sarah Can Eat! :D
A Guest in My Own Home
Home Sweet Home!
Psalm 31:19


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Gift!

Jesus loves you! :)

Finishing
Tuesday, November 10, 2009

"Now finish the work, so that your eager willlingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means." - 2 Corinthians 8:11

I have the tendency to not follow through with projects that I begin. My closet at home is filled with the clutter of unfinished projects, from a pink and gray striped scarf to an artistic altered book on my high school life. Because of this annoying habit, I usually wait until the last minute on school assignments because I know I'll work more efficiently under pressure, because in that situation, I have no choice but to finish it.

I think one of the most remarkable things about this human tendency to not finish, though, is its contrast with our Maker. After the busyness of this past week, with my status report and then my 10-page FNCE103 industry study, I was really blessed by my reflection today that I am a work in progress, but God thinks of me as a masterpiece that He will finish.

During Passion, there were so many times when I really felt convicted about my inadequacies and all the parts that would earn a "Needs Improvement" on my report card for life. However, the true blessing was being reminded that our God is one who responds to our weaknesses with unconditional love and gentle mercy.

I love the chorus of Chris Tomlin's song, "Wonderful Maker":

What a wonderful Maker
What a wonderful Savior
How majestic Your whispers
And how humble Your love
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a Father
How majestic Your whispers
What a wonderful God.

So for those of you who, like me, are just terrible about finishing things that you start, take comfort and rest assured in the faithfulness of our Wonderful Maker, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Praise the Lord. :)


7:07 PM |
'Tis So Sweet
Friday, November 6, 2009

I think one of the most ridiculous aspects of my life is my inability to fully trust in the Lord.

Sometimes, in the spirit of forgiveness, I will find a way to once again trust friends and imperfect humans who have previously hurt me, and move forward in the open and mutual dependency of friendship. But God has done nothing but provide for me. He has given me nothing but perfect love and perfect blessings. So why is it so hard for me to trust in Him?

I think people can easily say, "I trust God." For me, it's not hard to acknowledge with my words that God knows best. It's not even hard to say to myself in my heart that God knows better than I do.

The problem lies in the action. A life that is immersed in trust is a life that requires surrender, but I have always been so unwilling to fully surrender, because what does complete surrender entail?

Usually, I have no idea. And sometimes, that's exactly what terrifies me.

Because when I surrender to the Lord, there's no telling what He will do with my life. There's no telling where He will lead me, who He will put in my life, what He will have me do. But when I look back at my life, God has never disappointed. God has always been faithful, something I cannot say about any of the imperfect humans that I claim to trust.

So this weekend, through GCC's Passion Conference, one of the cries of my heart is to draw closer to Him and learn to fully trust in Him.

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.


4:54 PM |
Oh, the plans we have!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009

So today I'm going to rant about plans, particularly the ones I made and will make for course selection and my schedule.

I planned my Wednesday schedule with the idea that I would actually do work if I was forced to wake up early for my 8AM Math 114 recitation. Looking back at that decision, I can only say one thing: LAWL.

I only go to math recitation because I have to take the quizzes then... and because Victor actually checks attendance. Of course, the work we do on our homework problems is great too, but is it enough of an incentive to wake up at 7:30 for recitation in DRL when I'm totally not a morning person?

Let me answer that. NO.

But even in this, God is good, because thanks to Daylight Savings time now, it's actually wonderfully bright when I wake up in the morning. I can only say that it's kind of chilly, but that leads me into my first two praises for today:

1) Praise God for scarves!
So I think that Pastor Young's anecdote about hearing his mom's voice telling him to cover his neck has definitely gotten to my coordinating habits. O.o When I woke up this morning, I immediately knew that because I was cold, one of the best ways to fend off a cold was to cover my neck. So I pulled out my warm multi-colored scarf and did just that before I even went to wash up. It is absolutely wonderful walking around outside with a warm neck and just the breeze on my face. :3 Yay scarves!

2) Praise God for Nestle Hot Chocolate in Hill Dining Hall.
So I usually bring my thermos down to breakfast just because I like to drink hot water to fend off cold hunger. You know, the feeling of hunger that you get just because you're cold? Well, today I noticed the packets of Nestle Hot Chocolate that Hill has next to the coffee, and boy, did that make my morning. After my omelet and bagel, I had that thermos of hot chocolate to look forward to! Mmm! ^__^

Right, so post-breakfast brings me back to what I was saying earlier. So my plans to work during my free time before the recitation and my 12PM lecture, right? HA! For the past two weeks, these plans have always gone down the drain. Especially since it was so cold today, I decided to crawl back into bed and take a nap... all the way until 11:30.

Afterwards, fifteen minutes before class, I was walking down Locust Walk to get to ARCH and I saw one of my GCC freshmen sisters, Christine. I did the usual friendly greeting, commented on how cute her pink plaid scarf was, and went along my way.
It was then I realized that I had completely forgotten to ask about how she's been feeling since I remembered from our Freshmen Lunch that she was feeling kind of feverish.

It was a palm-forehead moment fersure, especially since on Sunday I had planned to trust more in God's healing abilities and really lift up my sick brothers and sisters in prayer.

HOWEVER. God is good. :)

3) Praise God for chance encounters on Locust Walk!
So the wonderful thing about Locust is that there's heavy traffic between classes. As such, after EALC105, I was headed back to Hill, almost at VP, when I saw Christine again! And that was my second chance to see how she was doing. Since I was done for the afternoon, I offered to walk and talk with her to her next class, even though she insisted it was super far away, in Leidy. However, it was totally worth it because as I said, I love autumn weather and crisp fresh air. We got to talk a lot about how she's been feeling (keep praying for her, she thinks she's gotten worse and will be going back to Student Health Services today!) and how her schedule is this semester. All in all, it was such a blessing to be able to just chat with her mid-week since we rarely see each other outside of church days.

4) Praise God for His subtle interventions.
My encounter with Christine actually did much more for me than I would have ever imagined, and it really just reminded me of how God works in completely unpredictable ways. So after walking Christine to her biology class, I went down Spruce, through that MBA conference center thing, and came back onto Locust Walk, which was when I saw it.
"Course and Majors Fair- Houston Hall of Flags, 12PM-2PM"
So I bolted over to Houston Hall to check out one booth in particular- East Asian Languages and Civilizations and East Asian Area Studies.
I picked up some pretty informative brochures about the major and minor for each, but the coolest catch was this course that I'm sooo excited to take! In fact, as soon as I got back to the room, I decided to twerk my schedule a bit and drop China in the 20th century, which I figured I could and would take any other semester anyway, for this 20-person seminar.

But yes, back to plans.

5) Praise God for His perfect will.
Plans. We all make them, but it'll be so interesting to look back at this post next semester and see where God really took me, because He really knows so much better about where I need to be than I do. And thank God that He does, because I seriously get so lost in this journey we call life. :3


Praise the Lord! ^__^


3:39 PM |
I Love You, Autumn
Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Today was a great day. The air was crisp, the breeze was refreshing, and the sunlight danced.

I had the opportunity to do a lot of walking around campus today. First of all, it's because I live in Hill but had my first lecture in Huntsman, followed by my AIB seminar in Williams Hall, then back to Hill for a nappy-nap during the lunch break, and on to Claudia Cohen, then Huntsman again.

And today, during my FNCE 103 lecture, I was informed that I wouldn't have to go to my WH191 Oral Presentations class because we would be having our one-on-one's with our communications instructor instead. So what did I do?

I walked and talked.

After leaving Huntsman, I decided to head into the wind tunnel between the high-rises, take a left to hit up Spruce, and then walk back down to make a left at Williams again, bringing me right back to the familiar Locust Walk.

What did I do during my walk? I looked, listened, and mumbled my rehearsed status report. But more importantly, I breathed.

For me, there's nothing quite like a breath of crisp autumn air. I feel like, if my lungs had arms, they opened wide as soon as I stepped out into the open air today. Today was an especially wonderful autumn day. The leaves on Locust Walk weren't soggy, even dead leaves looked refreshed, and the breeze was the kind that gently caressed your face as it waltzed by.

And around 5PM, when the sky was just starting to get darker because of Daylight Savings, it was such a beautiful shade of gray. While they aren't the Carolina blue sky that I'm used to, gray skies in Philly seem to have a wisdom that truly humble me. Whenever I look up at a gray sky, it seems to say to me, like a sage well-worn by the years, "Yep, I've seen it all. The storms, the cloudy days, the slight drizzle. And yet here I am, still. This is life." While it may seem rather depressing, it's a simple reality that at times can actually be incredibly refreshing.

It is what it is.

So onto praise for today:

1) Praise God for breakfast at Hill.
I'm a huge breakfast person. I usually always have some sort of breakfast, because I never really feel full unless I've had breakfast that day. As such, I truly recognize the blessing of living in Hill, where the dining hall serves an absolutely delicious! breakfast. I had an omelet this morning with ham, tomatoes, and mushrooms, and egg white, since I'm trying to watch my cholesterol. *blush* For carbs, I had a bagel, half plain and half with peanut butter. Not only that, but I was able to have breakfast with two fun friends, which was a great start to my morning. Everybody likes a good laugh at the start of the day. =)

2) Praise God for yogurt parfaits.
So yesterday I bought a yogurt parfait with my pasta from Houston Market, and put it in the fridge to have today. Mmmm, was it yummy-licious. Yogurt parfaits are one of the things I actually acquired a taste for after coming to Penn. I had my first one for lunch before the first Sunday of the school year and my first service at GCC. I feel like it's such a delicious and nutritious part of any meal. Yumsies! ^__^

3) Praise God for reminders of home.
On my walk around campus, I saw a lady in her early forties pushing a woman who I assumed to be her mother in a wheelchair down Locust Walk. I immediately thought of my own mother, who always used to patiently push my maternal grandmother around in her wheelchair. Because of Grandma's weak legs, it was more convenient for her to take the wheelchair when the family went out, so it was always either Mom or my grandfather who would push her without complaining and with an inspiring heart of servanthood. Now that I'm in college and my grandparents have gone back to China, there are very few reminders of old age in my university life. Seeing this reminder of family, however, put a genuine smile on my face. :)

4) Praise God for caring friends.
As I mentioned in my last post, I have my status report on Thursday, which means we have our rehearsal in front of the team tonight. O_O! My friend and teammate Suzanne, who's been ridiculously sick, called especially to wish me luck because she wouldn't be able to make it to the rehearsal tonight. Even though she herself is resting at home, recovering from a fever, she took the time to call me and wish me luck, which was such an encouragement and blessing to me with my jittery nerves.

5) Praise God for learning opportunities and positive feedforward.

Not to sound repetitive or anything, but the status report rehearsal tonight will undoubtedly be a great learning experience for me. My team will be watching my partner and me present, and then will give us constructive criticism on our critical thinking, structure, evidence, audience analysis, and delivery. I am particularly concerned about my delivery, because even though I've been practicing so much, I've been told, and I know from previous experience, that sometimes it turns out completely different from all the times you've practiced it, you know? So right now, I'm trying to find the delicate balance between familiarity with my material and memorization. I've been practicing my status report in different accents to make it more entertaining and less routine and monotonous for myself. Meh, memorization. I hate to be the person that, because she gets one word off during her presentation, freezes up and is unable to function from that point forward. Anyway, it's definitely been something that I've really been keeping in my prayers. I really just want the chance to give this over to God so that I can really relax and have confidence in my dependence on Him.

And tagging along with praise is prayer, not too far behind. Five prayer requests I have for today are:

1) Praying for health!
So many people are sick! :C While I'm one of the fortunate few still not suffering from sniffles or coughs, I'll be praying for continued health for those like me who are peachy-keen, and recovery for those who are sick. ^_^

2) Praying for peace of mind.
I think this applies to so much more than just the nerve-wracking status report. All of us probably have so much work and so many things to do in the next few weeks before Thanksgiving Break, so I just want to pray for us to learn how to rest in Him, to be still, and know that He is faithful.

3) Praying for revival.
I am so pumped about GCC's Passion Revival Conference this weekend! I've really been praying a lot for myself personally, and for our entire church and the other people who are attending. I'm really excited to see God's kingdom come during our time and witness all the marvelous things He is going to do during this conference!

4) Praying for cohesion.
I want this to apply to our freshmen class at GCC and my Management 100 team, which, admittedly, are two extremely different groups of people, but both ones I identify very strongly with. In the upcoming weeks, my Management 100 group will need to stay strong together as we really pull our project together and deliver a successful event for our client. Similarly, I hope that God will really just pull our freshmen class together at GCC so we become a family and a community that really build each other up in Him.

5) Praying for direction.
Tomorrow is Penn Courses and Majors Fair! Next week we'll start pre-registration for classes in spring semester. It feels so super early, but at the same time, first semester is really just flying by. I'm also still praying about the dual-degree and t'have actually even started thinking about what I want to do over my Spring Break and Summer 2010! I feel like Wharton creates so much hype about internships that people who haven't really even thought about them are beginning to feel ridiculously behind (*coughs* me).

My life seems so ridiculously chaotic.

Oh, what a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.

Praise the Lord. :)


6:45 PM |
A Status Report on my Status Report
Monday, November 2, 2009

I have my Management 1oo status report this Thursday.

For some strange reason, I'm oddly terrified.

Iunno what it is. I mean, my partner and I finished our outline last Wednesday and our Powerpoint yesterday afternoon. We have the next two days to work on it, I'll be practicing my speaking part obsessively, in the shower, walking down Locust Walk, in my sleep, etc. But for some reason I still feel like I'm so ill-prepared, if that's even a word.

I feel like it's because little things are going wrong.
For one, my Powerpoint keeps freezing up. It happened once last night at around 1:30AM when I was twirking some slides based on my TA's advice. Apparently, I'd changed a lot since my last save, because when Powerpoint froze and messed itself up, it had to restart, and when it did, Auto-Recovery glitched and didn't do much for me. At least I knew which things I had to fix even better the second time around.

For some reason though, Powerpoint freezing up really gets me down. It makes me feel like I'm really not making much progress on this presentation. Every time it freezes, I get discouraged from opening it back up again and having another go.
I feel like I'm totally losing morale.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel comfortable rehearsing an oral presentation until I have it outlined in print first. As such, until my Powerpoint and Word Document are directly in line, I don't feel comfortable rehearsing the actual delivery of my presentation.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

But to get away from the complaining and from the anxiety, I'm going to reflect upon God's goodness today.

I usually don't like to bring up individual grades when I talk about what God's been doing in my life, because I think God deserves credit for so much more than just a letter grade. However, I have to openly rejoice in the fact that I landed a solid A on my East Asian Diplomacy midterm. Considering how I spent our one-day Fall Break studying for it, I really was ecstatic when I found out I did well on the exam. I think the reasons for this are twofold:

1) I absolutely adore that class.
East Asian Diplomacy is fascinating to me, and the course explores a period that is so controversial (Opium War, Sino-Japanese War, World War II) between Korea, China, and Japan. What's more, the professor is so quirky, and he always challenges us to think about more than just "culture" when it comes to the do's and don'ts of diplomatic relations.

2) I want to see if I can handle a dual degree.
So I'm not sure if this is common knowledge, but I am absolutely in love with East Asian culture. God has particularly given me a heart for China, but East Asia in general just absolutely fascinates me. Consequently, God's really placed it on my heart to try for a dual degree with business and then East Asian Languages and Civilizations in the College. But of course, that second degree means a pretty intense courseload for quite a few semesters. I was quite concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle it, and I wanted this semester to go well so that my parents and I could be put at ease about my ability to handle the inevitable monstrosity that is 6 or 6.5 credit units (current dual-degrees, please do not laugh at my noobness. ><;) So as much as I hate to really celebrate my grades too much, with this A, I feel like I'm a step closer to confirming my own competence.
And while it's not my own competence that will ensure my success in a possible dual-degree, I do feel like it'd be quite a stretch to expect God to do all the work for me. After all, faith without actions is dead.

Other tidbits of praise:
1) I had the most delicious pasta at Houston today.
I've never done pasta before, but I got the penne in alfredo florentine, with chicken and mushrooms. It was absolutely yummylicious and I ate it for linner at around 3:30PM after making $20 from two Wharton Behavioral Labs.
2) I made $20 at Wharton Behavioral Lab.
Again, it seems like a really trivial matter to be thanking God for, but before my hyperactive conscience reprimands me about how you can't serve both God and money, I'm really thankful for this opportunity to get some more spending money. Even though I haven't actually spent any of it, it's kind of the closest thing I'll have to a job during freshmen year. I hate spending just my parents' money, and I figure this will teach me to be more fiscally responsible and start budgeting the moolah I make. I'm even considering opening my own bank account with PNC.
3) I got a package from home.
My parents have been calling incessantly for the past few days asking whether or not I'd gotten the package they sent on Thursday, even though we had agreed that I would just call the house when I did receive it.
Seriously, it was the cutest thing. I got out of the shower, saw a missed call from Daddy, called him back, told him on the phone that I hadn't had the chance to check my mailbox yet, told him I would call him after I did, and as soon as I got off the phone with him, my Mommy calls. When I pick up the phone, she immediately starts gushing with questions about how I liked the scarves and socks she had sent me. I waited a while for her to pause and take a breath before I finally interrupted and said that I had just gotten off the phone with Daddy and had told him I hadn't yet checked my mailbox.
The funniest thing to me was that my dad had been standing next to my mom the entire time.
After I finally hung up with Mom, I decided for everyone's sake I should hurry up and get downstairs to see if the 5PM mail had come yet. I speed-dialed my mom's cell phone before I even got into my room to open the package.
I got four pairs of what appeared to be gender-neutral socks to me. On the phone, my mom fretted about whether or not I liked them, adding that my father had been the one who had picked them out on his way home from work. She asked about the two silk scarves that she had bought me from China, and the warm leggings that my considerate third aunt had purchased for me when my mom went back to our hometown in China last month.
It was just so nice to get a piece of home, even though all of the things were newly-bought and I could hardly say that my passport, the cause of my mother's incessant worrying, held much sentimental value of home. But just hearing my mom's excited voice and the parents' sweet and heartfelt "I love you and miss you"s made me all the more anxious to get these next few weeks over with so I could spend Thanksgiving with the family that I am oh-so-grateful for.

God is such a good provider. Every perfect thing comes from Him.

So thank the Lord for status reports.
For A's on midterms.
For pasta from Houston.
For sources of income.
And for family.

Praise the Lord. :)


9:38 PM |
First Selah
Sunday, November 1, 2009

I'm more than halfway through my first semester of college.
If I can do math correctly, that means I'm 1/16 of the way through my college experience.
I decided this weekend that it's about time that I find an outlet for my random musings, a place where I can share what God's doing in my life, what I've been learning about myself, what my Creator has been revealing to me about why I'm even on this planet we call Earth.

Hence the blog.

So first and foremost, why Selah?

Well, what does Selah even mean, anyway? Anyone who's ever flipped through Psalms has probably noticed the footnote. In my Bible, it says "A word of uncertain meaning, occurring frequently in the Psalms; possibly a musical term." Well, that helps.

According to my trusty source, Wikipedia, Selah is probably either a liturgico-musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text, something like "stop and listen".
"Let those with eyes see and with ears hear"
is most concise... It is translated into today's general language with the meaning:
think about it or praise [the Lord].

I found the title oddly appropriate for what I plan to do more of in my life.
Just to stop.
Look.
Listen.
Think about it. And praise the Lord.

I attribute the spiritual drought I've experienced in the past three weeks to my inability and unwillingness to take the time to stop, listen, and praise. In all of my busyness with classes, papers, midterms, projects, and extracurriculars, I have neglected the beauty and simplicity of Selah, and all of my busyness has amounted to only emptiness.

Luckily, God has used this weekend to bring a series of small inspirations and revival to my life. Today, a verse from my devotions was particularly encouraging on the dreary autumnal day:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." - 2 Corinthians 4:16

So let us take a selah, and praise God for renewal, resolutions, and new beginnings.


10:34 PM |