I think one of the most ridiculous aspects of my life is my inability to fully trust in the Lord.

Sometimes, in the spirit of forgiveness, I will find a way to once again trust friends and imperfect humans who have previously hurt me, and move forward in the open and mutual dependency of friendship. But God has done nothing but provide for me. He has given me nothing but perfect love and perfect blessings. So why is it so hard for me to trust in Him?

I think people can easily say, "I trust God." For me, it's not hard to acknowledge with my words that God knows best. It's not even hard to say to myself in my heart that God knows better than I do.

The problem lies in the action. A life that is immersed in trust is a life that requires surrender, but I have always been so unwilling to fully surrender, because what does complete surrender entail?

Usually, I have no idea. And sometimes, that's exactly what terrifies me.

Because when I surrender to the Lord, there's no telling what He will do with my life. There's no telling where He will lead me, who He will put in my life, what He will have me do. But when I look back at my life, God has never disappointed. God has always been faithful, something I cannot say about any of the imperfect humans that I claim to trust.

So this weekend, through GCC's Passion Conference, one of the cries of my heart is to draw closer to Him and learn to fully trust in Him.

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.