Tuesday, January 12, 2010I get so worried about my little sister Anna. Saying goodbye to her today was horrible. I woke up when she did so I could shower during her breakfast and go with Mommy to take her to Math Olympiad and also drop Daniel off in the carpool line.
When I walked in with her to the Math Olympiad classroom, one look at her eyes starting to swell up was enough to bring the tears. Hurriedly, I apologized to her teacher, barely able to see her face through my tears, and explained that I was going back to school today. The teacher, sympathetic, asked if we needed a moment, and if we were bad at goodbyes. I shook my head and said that we'd be fine. I figured it'd be easier for Anna to keep going if she went right into the Math Olympiad test and didn't dwell on the pains of farewell.
I think the main reason why I worry about Anna is because she is so unlike me. When she was younger, I used to get so frustrated in tutoring her, teaching her to do basic things like putting away clothing, showering, and brushing teeth, and supervising her piano because she was nothing like me. For me, being nothing like me is a scary thing. I figured if she was more like me, she'd be more predictable, her choices and decisions would be more like mine, and as such her life, when she's my age, would be like mine- safe, secure, and as a whole, pretty okay.
It scares me that she's so different, because I don't want her to be any less happy than I am, or any less secure, or any less content and confident.
I pray for her and worry about her to no end.
And it's at times like this when I hear God's still small voice. "Cindy, was it because of your own abilities or personalities that you made it through life's trials? Was it not because I was there, holding your hand? And will I not do the same for Anna, whom I also love and cherish, who is also the apple of my eye?"
And so I must teach myself, whenever this time comes for me to step aside and go back to school, that my Anna will be just fine, not because she's learning to cope and grow without me by her side, but because God is teaching her to live with Him on her side.
Our God is so good.
When I walked in with her to the Math Olympiad classroom, one look at her eyes starting to swell up was enough to bring the tears. Hurriedly, I apologized to her teacher, barely able to see her face through my tears, and explained that I was going back to school today. The teacher, sympathetic, asked if we needed a moment, and if we were bad at goodbyes. I shook my head and said that we'd be fine. I figured it'd be easier for Anna to keep going if she went right into the Math Olympiad test and didn't dwell on the pains of farewell.
I think the main reason why I worry about Anna is because she is so unlike me. When she was younger, I used to get so frustrated in tutoring her, teaching her to do basic things like putting away clothing, showering, and brushing teeth, and supervising her piano because she was nothing like me. For me, being nothing like me is a scary thing. I figured if she was more like me, she'd be more predictable, her choices and decisions would be more like mine, and as such her life, when she's my age, would be like mine- safe, secure, and as a whole, pretty okay.
It scares me that she's so different, because I don't want her to be any less happy than I am, or any less secure, or any less content and confident.
I pray for her and worry about her to no end.
And it's at times like this when I hear God's still small voice. "Cindy, was it because of your own abilities or personalities that you made it through life's trials? Was it not because I was there, holding your hand? And will I not do the same for Anna, whom I also love and cherish, who is also the apple of my eye?"
And so I must teach myself, whenever this time comes for me to step aside and go back to school, that my Anna will be just fine, not because she's learning to cope and grow without me by her side, but because God is teaching her to live with Him on her side.
Our God is so good.
9:29 AM |
